The Never-Ending To-Do Lists

I often find myself falling into a rabbit hole of possibilities on social media. I’m sure many other people do, as well. In fact, I know many other people do. It’s almost impossible not to.

Today, bedridden and crampy, I found myself once again scrolling through my private Instagram page, mindlessly looking for something to capture my attention for a flicker of a second before pushing off to the next image. And, in my social-media-driven autopilot, I found an adorable video of a cat whose daily routine was to be lowered onto the streets of Utrecht, Denmark via a basket that ricocheted off an aged red-brick wall from a faceted window, only to be let up in that same basket that evening.

It was that video that caused a spark.

I found a growing fury. While I was sick in bed, this adorable black cat, wholly unaware of its utter privilege of living in and exploring an old-world city, was living its best life. Meanwhile, I was miserable and cough-y in bed, drudged down by the daily ennui of living in a new-world city, with its commuting and gridded maps.

And sure, in this city, there are ephemeral glimmers of serenity. I distinctly remember walking past an old chapel during the summer to see some of its hall windows half-opened to let out its age-old stuffiness. The stained glass’s colors glimmered onto the ivy vines creeping upon the limestone brick, a haze of summer’s kisses emanating from inside. I imagined what it would be like to be inside, with the smell of old wood pews filling my lungs, dusty cloth shrouds hanging from the walls, stale candle wax suddenly found living all thanks to the summer heat. This all happened within a matter of seconds, on my casual stroll past. I found myself grounded once I realized how the heat was so intense the skin on my neck had become dewy. And, after that awakening, I looked back at the stained glass, and drudged on with my to-do list for the day.

In retrospect, my to-do list was probably inconsequential. Whatever I did that day, that motivated be to stray from my black cat moment, led me away from living the life I envied this morning. In the end, time has passed, and I am still unhappy with where I am—unknowing of where I’ll be. In an ironic twist of things, to reach the goal of living like a black cat, I need to put aside my trivial goals, and relish each chapel that passes me by.